hypocritical emotions

//I'm here with my confession/Got nothing to hide no more/I dont know where to start/But to show you the shape of my heart//


i have ABSOLUTELY no problem with admitting that i had an AMAZING time at the backstreet boys concert tonite with my mom. It felt so good to just be able to let myself go and revert back into childhood and it felt so good to talk to kids a lil over half my age, scream with them, and sing lyrics that brought me back to when i was 10 and 11. It was a nice temporary escape from everything that i've been dealing with and it let me let go of all responsibility and feel carefree for a few hours.


//I just want you to know//that I've been fighting to let you go/Some days I make it through/and then there's nights that never end/I wish that I could believe/that there's a day you'll come back to me/But still I have to say/I would do it all again/Just want you to know


That being said, the cutest couple about my age were in front of us at the concert. The guy was being SO NICE to the girl. He was holding her hand and constantly kissing her on the forehead and top of the head and even though you could tell that he had NO desire to be there, he was attempting to get involved by clapping his hands, and he always had a smile on his face for the girlfriend. Seeing that made me really want to share tonite's experience with you, yet i couldnt because you werent there, so i decided (against my better judgement) to call you when i got home. From the second you picked up the phone, i felt like i was almost talking to a stranger. When i brought it up, instead of "how was it?" i just got "oh, thaz nice i guess". It made me not want to share the amazing night that i had with you. I know that things are so hard right now and everything is confusing and fucked up, and im sorry that i fucked everything up, but i feel like ive lost a best friend on top of everything else. And i feel like i am coming to terms with everything that is going on in my life, except this. And i want to be able to come to terms with this more than i want to come to terms with everything else, and i wish it could happen more than anything, yet i know it isnt going to happen anytime soon because even as i write this, i am crying. So i guess im just saying that im sorry for fucking everything up, i just wish that i still had atleast a little part of the old you to share tonight with. ::shrugs::